I often dream of moving somewhere else. To the country. Out of the country. Around the country in an RV. The dream is all about getting away. Simplifying. Out of the noise and into peace. But there's always this looming question: Why can't I find the peace I seek right here?
Deep down, I know the sound of less car noise or the neighbor's kids playing isn't the peace I am after. The peace that I seek is internal.
I recently heard a story of a man who's condo burnt down in the massive downtown Raleigh fire in 2017. He was asked where he saw his life 5 years from now, to which answered, "I don't know. Had you asked me this question 19 months ago, my answer would've been entirely different." Through the 19 months of losing all of his possessions, wearing the same outfit for weeks in a row, sleeping on couches to rebuild, his soul went through a rebuild too. He went through the journey that he's taken and the blessings that he's found a long the way. His counterpart in the conversation reflected, "Won't it be cool if sometime in the future, you look back and think of this time as a blessing," to which he replied, "I am already there. If I knew then what I know now, I would have lit the match myself."
While we were making plans for our RV adventure, my soul made some new plans too. A certain level of peace began to take shape. When we back away from the plans, I found gratitude in all that I had learned in the process, grateful to take my newfound values with me in the future. But it didn't take very long for me to fall in the trap of the "normal American mindset," where I decorate my front porch in Fall festivities, less because I think it's cute and more because it follows the code by Pinterest and my planned community.
So here I am. The stirring in my soul to get away but realizing no matter how much I fight the keeping up with the Joneses syndrome, I am still subscribing it. No one is making me compare myself to the local moms group. No one is telling me that my daughter must be in private school. And no one is going to fine me if I have less than 7 pumpkins on my front porch. Yet it seems that if I am not "off the grid" I don't have the inner strength to be free in all the areas that I long to break the chains of normal society.
I think there is this piece in me that puts up these outer walls in hopes that you will like me. That maybe my inner love isn't good enough. Maybe if I can distract you with how good everything is on the outside, you will judge me less. My stuff becoming my shield.
But how well is this working for us? As a society we seem more dissatisfied and disconnected than ever before. We play our highlight reels on social media because who really wants to air all of their dirty laundry? That was never meant for the mainstream. And quite frankly, I don't like to pollute the world with negative energy. But because you watch me on social media, you think you know me. You know my story. And I know yours. So we just try to live up to that persona, never really letting anyone into the inner world.
I think right now I am in a season of learning. I am meant to stay in my planned community as the ultimate lesson on finding peace. Packing up and leaving is too controlled. I need to light my match to societal expectations, and rebuild brick by brick right in front of you.
I'm a messy hair lovin' - soulful book junkie - mompreneur who's totally addicted to helping women design a life they lovI'm here, simply, to share my truth so that it inspires you to live yours! To be your boldest, most authentic self, to find your tribe that supports your soul, and to go after success in every area of your life. e.