Sisters, I have something really important to share with you. Something that creates a lot of fear and doubt and anxiety. But you are my tribe and my community and I am so grateful for you.
I feel that I am incredibly blessed. I have actually figured out not only my main mission on this planet, but I know how I am supposed to communicate it: I want to write and speak and lead retreats. I want to help us all overcome our loneliness and wake up to our hearts' desires and not just succumb to the matrix. Sounds great, right? But the real truth is that I am completely overtaken with doubt. I have had tears of fear no less 4 times this week alone. Tears that question my worth. Tears that talk down to me. Tears that cripple me and keep me from writing.
And yet when I get quiet and still, I know my truth.
You see, friend, I feel like I have failed so many times. And probably like you, I don't feel good about failure. Even though plenty of greats tell you that failure is the way, failure makes me want to run in the other direction. Good girls don't fail. Am I right? And I am a good girl. I got good grades. I was polite. I went to college and grad school. I married a cute boy and have pretty babies. Failure is icky.
Nothing was lost and nothing has been taken from me. Every decision I have made has been on my own terms and free will but starting new just gets scarier and scarier. On one hand I can completely see how everything has set me up for this very moment right here. But then there is this other side that questions what if this isn't it... again. What if I am crippled with angst? Wouldn't it just be easier to get a job, bring in some steady income, climb out of debt, and just do that. Or just stay home and embrace mom life. I am peering over the gates and the grass just looks greener.
But wouldn't it just be easier?
Maybe. Maybe for a little while. But there is no greater pain than not living in your truth.
I feel that I am standing at this crossroads of life and it's time to make a decision. I have learned from Rachel Hollis that the cost of your new life is your old one. This has never hit me harder than this moment.
So I tell you all of this sister, because:
1) I believe if you are reading this that you believe in us. You believe that I, and therefore you, can and should be following what's in our heart.
2) I need accountability partners. Don't let me let myself down. And I won't let you let yourself down.
3) I am so tired of shame and unworthiness and I want you to know that you are not alone in your feelings either.
I feel like I am trudging through the mud of self-doubt, but I am doing it anyway. Because I would want you to do it too.
I'm a messy hair lovin' - soulful book junkie - mompreneur who's totally addicted to helping women design a life they lovI'm here, simply, to share my truth so that it inspires you to live yours! To be your boldest, most authentic self, to find your tribe that supports your soul, and to go after success in every area of your life. e.