I've been doing a whole lotta thinking lately. The kind of thinking that wakes you up because you keep seeing the same signs. Signs to be more generous.
Every snow storm it seems that Chuck and I turn into the people we really long to be. The people we are called to be. He takes his shovel and in recent years, his partner in crime (aka Lyla) and they go out and clear as many driveways and sidewalks as they can before becoming numb from the cold. As someone who has spent most of his life in the snow between upstate NY and Vail, Colorado, he thrives on hopping in his truck for a drive to check out the road conditions and see if there is a Southerner that may need a little roadside assistance. I support this fully. I don't roll my eyes that he's leaving me alone with the small child madness. I don't huff and puff when it all takes him longer than I want it to. I join him in his servant's heart. I stay home with offerings of our time and resources, filling up our space with meals and warmth. I am patient and creative with the kids. I have perfectly temperatured hot chocolate waiting. Stress and anxiety are no longer symptoms of my everyday life.
Chuck and I would romanticize before kids on being the parents that open our home and let all the neighborhood kids over. We would talk about coaching sports and volunteering in classrooms. But the truth is, that's not who we are in this moment. We have let the chaos and stress of parenting be the focus of our lives. We have let guilt be at the forefront of our communication style, keeping us locked into the chaos, adding misery and frustration to this parenting life. We are begging for rest and reprieve and the thought of adding in more chaos of taking on someone else's burden when we can barely carry our own, well, it all just feels too much.
I thrive off of a good daily routine but can see how routine forsaking friendship, love, generosity, and yes, the loud sound of children running from room to room... I mean children playing... is not how I want to live this life. I really don't want to reflect back after the kids have grown and said that I was the parent that perfected the daily routine and left nothing memorable in it's wake. We don't feel routine. Routine creates ease. While helpful, ease is very rarely memorable.
This desire for routine comes from a desire for control. The need to feel that some things in my life are stable and manageable when everything outside feels too much. When the calendar is exploding, when the house is a mess, and when the money runs out before the end of the month, at least we have routine. At least we haven't lost control of it all. Lies we tell ourselves to feel better.
But is it working? Of course not.
I love a snow day for what it is. That it is this sweet time that allows you to pause and reflect. Where you day to day responsibilities fall by the wayside and you get to let your heart lead the way. But I don't want to live this way just on snow days. I want to live this way everyday. I want to lead with compassion and grace and generosity. I want to open up my resources of time and love to others. I want to be the person that is so intentional with my life that there is no need for the daily stress, because these are my decisions and not the decisions that I just allow my self to get swirled up in and then sit back wondering how the hell did I get here. And why am i so tired? I don't want to be the person who is just constantly overburdened by my own life that I don't have any generosity left for you.
So here we grow.
I may shoot you a text message when I am headed to Trader Joes to see if you need anything.
I may offer to take the girls off your hand when you're so tired and expecting your third.
I may open up my home for coffee more often.
I may help you get your sweet girl snacks and toys and pour you a glass of wine so you can rest.
I may give more, because I am always provided for.
I may adopt.
I may show up with lunch just because.
I may pray for you.
I may check on you more often.
I may pick up your tab.
I'm a messy hair lovin' - soulful book junkie - mompreneur who's totally addicted to helping women design a life they lovI'm here, simply, to share my truth so that it inspires you to live yours! To be your boldest, most authentic self, to find your tribe that supports your soul, and to go after success in every area of your life. e.